Sunday, July 25, 2004

The grand and exalted poobahs at the shteeble have taken NASCAR as their design muse. The whole place will soon be covered with thin, gold plaques, each inscribed with a message offensive to Hebrew, English, Jewish womanhood or, in rare cases, all three.

Some Examples:

1:  Zot nidvat Moshe Pupik v'sugo Shprintza  (Translation: This is a gift of Moshe Pupick and his mate Shprintza)
Was Shprintza consulted? How come her name isn't on the top line? Why sugo/mate and not ishto/wife? 

2:  Yosel Shpornstein and his whole family heartily congratulate and commend the esteemed Rav on his leadership and building of the community.
Your gut says I made that up? Care to bet on it?

3: Dedicated to the everlasting memory of my dear mother, Beryl Basya bas Rivka Rina.
No complaints about the grammar here, but the message appears in quarter-inch letters, on a plaque suspended from the Ner Tamid, 15 feet off the ground. Who aside from Og and, perhaps, Sichon could see this tribute to poor old Mrs. Beryl Basya?

Some 31st century archeologist will fill his doctorate with conclusions drawn from the plaques he finds in the unearthed ruins of our shul. On the evidence, Mr. Archeologist will conclude that we were fifteen-feet tall, misogynistic, and functionally illiterate. But the joke will be on him. We aren't that tall.

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